Running Down a Dream

After an evening of tortured sleep, I woke up with a sore neck and a sleepy face. Another weird dream. This time, I couldn’t get to a football game that I was supposed to be coaching.

When I told Russ about the dream, he reminded me of a few dreams I’ve had lately where I was trying to get somewhere to no avail. When I sat and thought about it, I realized that the general theme for my subconscious lately has been to make me try as hard as I can to get to the place where I’m supposed to be and allowing me to arrive either too late, or not at all.

I’ve always been intrigued by the symbolic meaning of dreams but have never had the patience to start something like a dream journal or investigate the purpose of the plots any further. But when a re-occurring, REM-interrupting theme crops into my nightly thinking, it makes me wonder if it might be time to dig a little deeper.

So, for the last few days, I’ve been paying more attention to my actions and motivations and, as it turns out, I’m in quite a rush. An unprovoked hurry. A constant push to finish. I frantically realized that it’s because I’m missing this whole “adulthood” thing and time is flying by. How have I become this old and don’t have my life together?! I can see myself age in the mirror. I can feel the stress build over retirement accounts and life insurance policies. I can watch my social life dwindle to a rigid schedule of, “Who’s not working this weekend?” My youthful freedom has turned to domestic shackles and I feel out of breath with every activity – rushing to get through it and stamp it as complete so I can earn my way into mental maturation.

Wait…I’m 26. I’m right there in those prime years of being considered an adult but with very few “adult” responsibilities. I currently have luxuries that won’t boomerang back to me until after I’ve retired and my children are 26. I have years before I need to start doing sociologically adult things. Tina Fey had a kid when she was 41! I can at least chill out for the next few and let my next steps come to me instead of chasing them down like a madwoman.

There’s a lot to be said for taking initiative and pursuing what you want out of life, but I tend to be a little too Type A sometimes, and it takes a few nights of interrupted sleep to remind me just how enjoyable this ride can be.

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