The Tortured Tummy

This is why I try to experiment on my own diet before feeding Russ.


To be fair, he is the least picky eater you’ll ever meet and can survive on one meal a day. However, I have (much to my surprise) fallen head first into the “care taker” wife role and it’s really hard to watch my 6’3″ fiancé eat the same number of calories as I do. Especially when I’m all like, “Hey, why don’t we try to eat gluten free and vegan as often as possible? It’ll be good for us!”

For various reasons, including health and fitness, I’ve been toying with the idea of a paleo diet, a vegetarian paleo diet, a gluten free diet, a whole foods diet, and an insane combination of all of the above. Maybe it’s wedding gown madness or my background in evolutionary biology, but the idea of eating unprocessed foods is sticking in my brain and I can’t get it out. Bolstered by the documentary “Forks over Knives” that we watched last night as recommended by our trainer.

In my research for such a diet, I found an incredible recipe resource at Edible Perspective. She has a great recipe for homemade pizza sauce that I put on top of my cauliflower pizza crust (one of my first and more successful gluten free attempts, though that doesn’t say much…). And since there’s no way I’m completely giving up cheese, I’ve been obsessed with replacing my morning milk and cereal with something more biologically friendly to my gut.

I marched over to the Sacramento Natural Foods Co-Op and bought as many obscure grounds as you could imagine. Oat flour, flax meal and wheat germ to name a few. And then I followed the recipe for the “banana scramble” and it did not turn out great. Instead of the cute little browned patty, I got this:

Just to remind you of how not great it turned out...

Just to remind you of how not great it turned out…

But I’ve eaten plenty of poorly presented food that tasted delicious! My cauliflower pizza crust being one of them.

Not the case. The saving grace of this meal was a jar of homemade jam from my beautiful friend over at Dirt Road Photography. I’m not even much of a jam eater but these fruit preserves were the only reason I could go back for another bite of this breakfast. I ate about half of it and it sure stuck to my ribs, so I guess if I can continue to choke it down, it does it’s job. Though I can’t say that I want to spend any amount of my life with food that looks like a pile of poo (and with a similar consistency I would imagine), but at least I didn’t force Russ to eat it too.

Mmmmm, jam!

Mmmmm, jam!

So now, I’m floating around as some weird version of a vegetarian with a tortilla addiction that still misses chicken and I can’t bring myself to let go of the experiment and just cook a roast. If you see Russ, feed him a steak, he deserves it.

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